Stick to rapping, Nelly

I listened to a brief interview that Nelly ("Hot in Herre") gave on a radio show. The host asked him why he thinks so many black women are single.

(Listen to the interview here: http://bossip.com/291322/nelly-chimes-in-on-why-so-many-black-women-are-single-video69691/)

The first thing I wondered was why she asked NELLY of all people that question...I mean, how long has he been with Ashanti...did he put a ring on it yet?

Anyway, I digress.

Soooo, basically Nelly stated that women want the "perfect guy" and will turn down the "nice guy" who may not "look the part" for the wrong guy who does look the part, even though he isn't on his job.

Is it really that simple, Nelly?

I don't think women are looking for the perfect guy. When maturity and real life set in, most of us understand that perfection doesn't exist.

We know there's no knight in shining armor waiting to carry us off into the sunset to live happily ever after as soon as we are of marrying age. We also understand that we are far from perfect, so how can we demand perfection in a mate?

What a woman really wants is a man who is "perfect" for her. We want a man who can meet whatever emotional, physical or economical needs we require for our lives.

Does he have to be 6'5" with a perfect face, perfect teeth, and perfect skin? Nope. Muscles bulging all over and a six pack that could grate cheese? Nah.

I will step out there on behalf of women to say that a man who is honest, faithful, responsible, independent and hardworking is way more desirable than a "perfect" one. And yes, we definitely would like him to be clean, well-groomed and attractive. But as far as I'm concerned, if a man is these things, I can deal with him leaving the toilet seat up and watching football all day on Sunday.

I thought these were the basics but maybe I'm wrong.

Now, every woman will have additional spiritual, financial and emotional criteria based on her individual preferences, but nobody is looking for perfection, Nelly.

In reference to the comment that women shun the nice guys: I will admit, some women are attracted to the stereotypical "bad boy" - the mysterious, inconsistent, charming, yet manipulative and selfish man who never opens up his heart in an effort to maintain the upper hand in the relationship.

BUT...

That's not all women. That's not even most.

Women do want that "nice guy", Nelly. But should a woman be with a man based on his "nice" qualities alone? What about chemistry? Common goals? Mutual interests? Religious beliefs? There are plenty of nice guys in the world, but it's not really about that...it's about finding and connecting with the right nice guy.

Finally, Dr. Nelly stated that women need to "let a man be a man" because men need to feel "needed".

"If we're not needed...we feel like...we're useless,"

Useless indeed.

His comment not, men.

I have seen women work two jobs because their husbands or boyfriends refused to get one.

I have seen women hide black eyes that were given to them by "men" who couldn't control their tempers.

I know women who were strangers until discovering they each had children who were days, weeks, or months apart in age...all by the same "man".

"Let a man be a man." What does this mean exactly, Nelly?

Women don't want to be men.

The role of a man, as ordained by God, is a BIG one.

It requires strength, humility, intelligence, wisdom and grace.

Men know this. And so do their families who benefit from their manhood.

There is a tremendous amount of pressure and responsibility at the top--if you are on your job. And every woman I've talked to has said that she certainly isn't filling out that application.

But what does a woman do when she is forced into that role because the man in her life refuses to play his position?

She does what she has to do.

For herself, for her babies...for her family.

The problem today is that a lot of men are not men. And we could examine and dissect and discuss all of the reasons why, and maybe some of them are valid, but it is what it is...and it ain't what it ain't.

It is humorous to me when men like Nelly have all of this "advice" for women. How can a man speak on how we feel? Discuss what we need? Tell us what we should want?

He can't.

Because he's not a woman.

And he has no clue what it's like to be one.

Stick to rapping, Nelly.

:-)
Alonna