The Single Girl's Bucket List

I'm two weeks into married life and although I can't give much insight into this new "club" I now belong to, I can definitely share some things I learned while being single for 32 years and 9 months. :-)

Remaining single into my 30s was a blessing that I didn't fully appreciate until a couple of years ago.  I learned a lot about myself, about men and about relationships. There's no magic number for when a woman should marry - so stop putting pressure on yourself - but I definitely think that every woman should do these things before jumping the broom!

1. Get educated
Whether it's your BA, MA, or PhD, cosmetology school or classes at the local community college...find something that interests you and become better at it. I read that women with more years of higher education have a lower chance of getting divorced than women without. One "expert" also said that educated women are more confident about who they are and are less likely to settle for a man who doesn't meet their standards. Now, I don't know how accurate these statistics are because I've made plenty of bad relationship decisions since graduating from college but I do know that you'll definitely feel a sense of accomplishment that no man can take away from you - no matter how bad the break up!

2. See the world
If you don't have a passport, go to the State Department's website and apply for one as soon as you're finished reading this post :-). Then, grab a map, call a few of your girls and make plans to get out of town ASAP!  I'd never advise anyone to take on debt but one credit card worth having is the "travel credit card". If you can't get out of the country, travel within it - go on a picnic in Central Park, take in the sights from the top floor of the Hancock building, dance the night away on Ocean Drive - just go! And if you have no idea where any of those places I just mentioned are, then you really need to get to steppin'! 

3. Live alone
One of the best decisions I ever made was purchasing a house by myself.  It doesn't matter if you rent or own, living alone is something every woman should do before getting married. You learn valuable lessons about financial responsibility and best of all, you learn to appreciate your own company.  

4. Eat alone - and often
With most of my friends a 40-minute drive away, I don't always have someone readily available when I'm craving pork empanadas or when I want to treat myself to more than a drive-through meal or curbside take away. Should I wait until someone else's schedule aligns with mine just so I can eat? Heck no! Sometimes I bring a book or magazine, sometimes I just sit and relish the fact that no matter how many couples or families surround me, I'm perfectly okay with eating a meal by myself. I don't feel like a loser because I'm not one and I know that with one call, I could probably find someone to join me...but the best part is that I don't have to. :-)

5. Go to the movies alone - and often
As a teacher, I have a lot of free time in the summer. Sometimes I'll decide in the middle of the afternoon that I want to see a movie when everyone is at work. Soooo what do I do? I go anyway. One ticket, one bucket of popcorn, one large Icee and I am good to go. I even saw "Slumdog Millionaire" on a Saturday night...which some people wouldn't dare to do alone!

6. Date a lot of boys, kiss a lot of frogs
Society has brainwashed women into believing that if we date around, we are just as bad as the players who have broken our hearts.  Newsflash: Being single is all about dating! I always tell women to accept a date with just about any man who asks, so long as he doesn't seem mentally unstable or is a fugitive. Who cares if he isn't your "type"? You don't have to marry him, you're just having dinner or drinks. It won't hurt to spend a few hours of your time with someone new. At the very least, you'll learn one more thing that you want (or don't want) in a partner.


The single life comes with so many freedoms and blessings. Enjoy them all because your life WILL change once you say "I do"!

Have fun!!

Alonna :-)

happily single = happily married?

I was extremely proud when, at 28 years old, I bought a house.

But as always, people had opinions:

I could never live alone.

I can't imagine doing something like that without a husband.

The truth is, I had just ended a long-term relationship with a man who was supposed to be "the one" and I had begun to wonder if I was ever going to get married. Purchasing a home was the first item on my list of Things To Do By Myself "just in case" a husband was not in the cards.

In my early to mid-twenties I was that woman who couldn't fathom doing anything without a man. I went from relationship to relationship, expecting boyfriends to fill a hole that no human could possible seal.

(Thank God I found Him and learned otherwise.)

I cried the first night I slept in my house. It was dark and quiet and I had never lived in a space by myself that occupied more than one level. Laying in bed alone, where a knife-wielding maniac could be roaming around one or two floors under me, was terrifying.

Mixed in with those tears were the other ones I shed because I couldn't believe I had done something so big...so long term...as a single woman.

I was an accomplished basket case.

The first time my toilet leaked through the bathroom floor down to the dining room ceiling, I cried.

The first time I saw a mouse, I cried.

The first time I caught one of those bammas in a trap and had to dispose of it myself, I cried--and slept with the lights on.

I cried on the phone to my mother about how I should not have purchased a home. She listened, as mothers do, then reminded me of Proverbs 10:22 which reads, "The blessing of the Lord makes one rich, and He adds no sorrow to it" (NKJV). God's Word soothed me and I began to look at my situation a lot differently in the months that followed.

I started to really enjoy living alone. I painted the way I wanted, purchased decor without needing a 2nd opinion, stocked the refrigerator to suit me and I didn't have to worry about someone eating "my" stuff...

I fell head over heels, deliriously in love with being by myself.

Fast forward to today.

I'm 32 and getting married in a few months to a wonderful man. But I struggled in the beginning of our relationship because I had to learn how to share my time and my space when he's here. (Will lives in NY.)

I've had boyfriends since moving into my house (I even went back to that ex I mentioned earlier), but I grew to enjoy being single so much that it became hard for me to take someone else into consideration. Once, when Will and I first started dating I became upset because he wanted to visit two weekends in a row. All I wanted to do was eat, watch TV and drink wine in my pajamas for two days, without having to say a word to anyone if I didn't want to.

I was all about "doing me".

There's something almost addictive about the sweet selfishness that comes with being responsible for only you, and no one else...

Soooo...you may be wondering how I'm feeling, now that my blissful singlehood is about to come to an end.

Like I said, Will is a wonderful man and I'm so blessed to have him. I can't WAIT to start a life with him as my husband. The brightest side, though, is that because I have spent so much time alone, I have grown to a place where I know the only reason I am with him is because I WANT to be, not because I NEED to be.

Want = good. Need = bad.

Once he moves in, I know that if he wants to watch TV or play a video game in another room I won't freak out because I am perfectly capable of occupying myself.

And I know that if he stays out late for work or to hang out with his friends, I won't be blowing up his phone wondering where he is, what he's doing, or when he will be home.

If he doesn't want to go shopping with me, that's fine. I like doing that by myself anyway. :-)

If he decides to go to bed early because he's had a hard day, it won't be a problem.

I can see a movie alone, eat in a restaurant alone, work out alone, or go on vacation for a few days with my girls.

I don't need to smother him or throw tantrums when he wants to do things that don't involve me.

I think the key to being genuinely content with another person, is first being genuinely content with oneself.

My boo told me that one of the reasons he fell in love with me was because, "You just seemed so comfortable in your own skin".

That I am.

I am ready to be happily married because I have finally mastered the art of being happily single.

It's a lovely feeling. :-)

xoxo,
Alonna