A Good Man

I would be remiss if I didn't follow up my last post with another, describing the characteristics of a good man. I'm talking to the ladies this time, but fellas, let's see how YOU measure up! :-p


A good man:


1. Loves God more than he loves you.
Like I told the men, someone who has a strong relationship with the Lord just isn't going to do certain things. Again, you should never expect perfection, but he will think differently, act differently, and speak to you differently. He will pray FOR you and WITH you, and no, saying grace doesn't count. God gives us guidelines on how to treat one another - yes the Bible does talk about honesty and fidelity and reaping what you sow. A man who loves the Lord will understand these guidelines and will live by them. You won't have to worry about what he's doing because he is accountable to God before he is accountable to you. And best believe if he steps out of line, the Holy Spirit will put him right back on it. The Bible says that "The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He will." (Proverbs 21:1). You want your "king" to have an ear that is turned towards God's lips. He will wait to hear from the Lord before he acts. He will make sound decisions for your family. You will not have to worry about him spending the mortgage at the casino or sleeping with his administrative assistant. He will seek the Lord in everything he does. I have learned very, very painful lessons from dealing with men who DO NOT have a relationship with God. They have no idea how to treat anybody, especially a woman.


2. Is trustworthy.
I was thinking about how much time we spend away from our significant others. A job may consume at least 10-12+ hours a day, including travel. With that much time apart, you had better be with a man you can trust. Trust is critical to all relationships and once broken, it is almost impossible to repair. A good man WILL NOT LIE TO YOU. HE WILL NOT CHEAT ON YOU. He will be where he says he's going to be and with the person/people he says he’s going to be with. This means that if he says he's going out with Craig, Craig is not really Lisa from the office who has a crush on him. BAMMA! It is absolutely, 100% FOOLISH to stay with a man whom you do not trust.

3. Works.
This goes without saying, right? Wrong. I have seen too many tired dudes in relationships with women who work harder than they do. How do you say goodbye to your girlfriend/wife every morning, then sit your behind on the couch and do nothing all day? The Bible says, "If a man will not work, he shall not eat." (2 Thessalonians 3:10). It also says that a man who does not provide for his family is WORSE THAN an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Men are natural providers (supposed to be, anyway). If he has no desire to work, to find work (if he's unemployed for whatever reason), if he has no problem watching you take care of everything while he chills, he is NOT A MAN. Please dump him immediately. Now, if he is your husband...you need to get on your knees every, single night PRAYING for this boy (yes, I said boy) to change. And this is exactly the reason why it is unwise to marry someone who does not fit criteria #1.


4. Takes care of his children.
If he made them, he should be paying for them AND spending time with them. A deadbeat father is a deadbeat man. He is not even a man. He needs Jesus. Leave him alone.


5. Does what he says he's going to do.
There is nothing more infuriating than someone who says he will do something and then doesn’t do it. A good man keeps his word. If a man doesn’t follow through with the things he says he’s going to do, that’s a form of lying, wouldn't you agree? If you are dating someone like this, think about the big picture and how it would be if you ever had children together. Would you want someone who makes promises to your babies and then breaks them? Many children have sat by the telephone or by the door waiting on a “man” who did not keep his word.

6. Can take criticism.
No man wants to hear that he is falling short, but when the criticism is constructive and is said from a loving place, pride and ego should fly out the window and maturity and open-mindedness should walk in the door. You should be able to tell your man if something isn’t working for you and he should be able to listen to and receive what you have to say. Outside of issues that arise within your relationship, he may need to hear criticism about his professional and personal decisions. As a woman you offer a different perspective and what you have to say IS important. If he is always on the defensive and never wants to hear what you have to say, he has some growing up to do.


7. Respects his Momma.
Where do I even begin with this one? A man who does not respect his mother is not even worth the time of day. This damaged relationship is a perfect indication of how he is going to treat YOU. Does he neglect her? He will neglect YOU. Talk down to her? He will talk down to YOU. Ignore birthdays and holidays? Umm...do I need to go on? This is the woman who gave him life and he mistreats her? NOT good….Now, if your man has a crazy mother, it is still important to watch how he handles her. When we were children, we were supposed to obey our parents (Ephesians 6:1), but as adults we are told to honor them (Exodus 20:12). Honor. This is important to remember when you are dealing with a parent who brings drama and confusion. I’m not saying he has to subject himself to abuse of any kind, but he should still do HIS part in their relationship – call her, check in, just to make sure she is well. He may have to limit his contact with her because of her issues, but unless she is physically or emotionally abusive to him or you or your family, he should never just cut her off or disrespect her. I’ve never met a man who treated his mother poorly who treated his woman well.


8. Supports your dreams.
Women are told to support their men. “Stand by your man,” is how the song goes, right? Well, we need men who will stand by us as well. A good man will support your dreams. He will not be insecure when you announce that you want to go back to school or start your own business. He will not hate on you or try to put roadblocks in your way as you travel the path towards your destiny. Some men see your ascension as the decline of the relationship…i.e. if you better yourself, then you won’t want him anymore. Assure him that your self-improvement is not about him, it’s about you. If he can’t deal with that then…(I’ll let you finish that sentence!)


9. Will commit OR will be honest about not wanting to commit.
One year, two years, three, five, seven, TEN years and he hasn’t married you? Made some babies with you too? Lovely. I shouldn’t need to tell you that this man has commitment issues. Why are you still wasting your time? A good man will lock it down and put a ring on it but if he doesn’t want to get married, that’s perfectly OKAY AS WELL. There are some good men out here who may not want to be married, but they won’t lead you on either if they know that’s what you want.

10. Wants to know you/Is trying to learn you.
A good man will engage in conversations that will allow him to learn more about you. As he gets to know you, he will apply this knowledge in the relationship and will treat you according to what he has discovered. He should know your birthday, your favorite color, your favorite food, your dreams, your family issues, your personal struggles…all the things that make you, YOU! If he seems disinterested or always forgets the things you tell him, he is not the one for you.

11. Puts YOU first.
Respecting his mother is one thing, but treating her like SHE is his boo, or letting her punk you or mistreat you is another. A good man will elevate you to the #1 position in his life (well, #2 after God). As a wife, you should be his priority. When a man neglects to spend time with you because of familial “obligations” or plans with “Momma and ‘em” that is a HUGE problem. If he is determined to financially support his friends, his momma, his daddy, brother, sister, cousin...whoever, and it is hurting you and your family THAT is a problem! If you are not married, pay attention to these signs early. If he tells you that he wants to marry you but also says things like, “Well, my family comes before you,” what do you think he will be like after you get married? Hmmm??


12. Will recognize a good woman.


Are YOU a good woman? ☺


"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22).

YOU ARE A GOOD THING!!! Never settle and don’t let the men who fall short make you believe that what you want is unrealistic. WAIT for that good man and then REJOICE and LOVE him with everything you have when he finds you!!


He's out there!

Blessings,
Alonna