DON'T DATE THIS MAN!!!

Dating can be fun, but it can also be brutal and feel like a waste of time. Think about those occasions when you realized you got all dressed up to hang out with a buster. Ladies, print this list and keep it in your purse so you can critique all of the men you meet from now on! If any of these guys approach you, DO NOT give out your number! :-)


1. The Metrosexual
He dresses well - knows about complementing colors, not just matching, girl. He likes fine wine and keeps his mani and pedi FRESH every two weeks...is he gay? Maybe. A lot of hetero men who are THAT put together have a woman in their lives guiding them through the fashion, cuisine and hygiene worlds. You can always tell when a straight man is not in a relationship. He may be clean, nicely dressed and well spoken but something is always a tad bit off. Why does he have on white sweat socks with black dress shoes? or Why is he wearing those tacky sunglasses? or Why aren't his nails a little bit cleaner? Cuz he's STRAIGHT! Lol. If a man is so fresh and so clean and so perfect ALL the time he may be GAY. Keep him in your cell but file him under "friend".


2. The Baby Baby Baby Daddy
Today, it is almost impossible to meet someone who DOES NOT have children. I've learned that excluding men based on the fact that they are fathers isn't fair and can cause you to miss out on some really great guys. Soooo, I'm open to dating a baby daddy. HOWEVER, if he has 3+ kids by 3+ baby mommas, you need to RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is irresponsible and has commitment issues. Mark my words.


3. The Guy with the Substance Abuse Problem
There's nothing wrong with enjoying a drink, but the guy who gets s--t faced EVERY TIME y'all hang out has a problem. If he talks more enthusiastically about getting drunk than he does about seeing you, that's your clue to roll. My girlfriend told me about a guy who drank so much on their date that an ambulance had to be called because he had alcohol poisoning!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!! And drugs...do I really need to go there? People will argue that having a joint here and there is harmless. I'm not going to get into a debate about that, but I will say that someone who gets high everyday or multiple times a week is a...umm, weedhead. If he's always high, do you even know the real him?


4. The Cheapskate
He never wants to pay, but you know he's making a good salary? Only takes you to restaurants where you have to drive up in your car to place the order? Just buys the "necessities"? Fusses about going to the movies because he says it's a rip off? He's cheap. Give it some time, ask a few questions to find out why he's that way, but be prepared to move on. Who wants to live like that...working hard but never enjoying life?


5. The Angry Man
He flips out and gives the finger to every motorist who won't let him merge; screams at the waitress because she added a lemon wedge to the water; wants to argue with everyone, including you, about every...single...thing. Anger management issues much? Dump him immediately. Seriously, a guy this tightly wound has the potential to be physically and/or verbally abusive.


6. The Punk
Ahh, he seems wonderful at first. Always goes with your flow, never complains, never has a problem, never raises his voice....you never, ever argue. Why doesn't this man have an opinion? Furthermore, why didn't he open his mouth when that guy cut in front of you in line at the grocery store? Easy going is great; soft is not. Dismissed!


7. The Athlete or The Entertainer
This is going to cause some controversy but I don't care! I was watching "Basketball Wives" and one of them said that there is a 4% success rate for NBA marriages...I wonder why?? It doesn't matter if he played college, semi-pro, pro, a head coach, assistant coach, singing in a hole in the wall, or has 3 albums under his belt, he will think he is the shiz-nit. I have dated and have encountered some straight up DOGS under this category...I could write a book. When everything is handed to you, when women fawn all over you and you get what you want, when you want it...do you ever really appreciate anything? Maybe when you find Jesus or when you grow up...I'm not sure.


8. The Dummy
Can't find the U.S. on a world map; has no conversation -- ever...does this man even know that we have a Black president? Your IQ is dropping just by being in the same room as this man.


9. The Underachiever
He is perfectly content living with Mama until she passes away and leaves the house to him. He's been at the same job since he was 21 and has no interest in advancing - did I mention he's 40 now? He doesn't understand why you have a passport or why you actually want to SEE this big, beautiful world? After all, he's never traveled far from Maryland, DC, or Virginia. Seriously? Underachievers usually become, if they're not already, haters. They don't understand why you want more and constantly scoff at your dreams.


10. The "High" Chaser
He's never satisfied unless he has something new or is going somewhere. He can never be content with things "as is" and is always complaining about being unfulfilled or bored. Life sucks when he's not on the move. Eventually, he's going to look at you and want something "else". Leave him before he leaves you "high" and dry!


11. The Perpetrator
You thought he was so fly when you first met. He was handsome, funny, and charming. He claimed to know the finest people, eat in the finest restaurants, wear the finest clothes...but the suit he wore on date #1 is the same suit he wore on dates 3, 5, 8, and 10. He doesn't have much but wants you to think he has plenty. Now, everyone can't ball and every baller ain't what he seems (see #7) but why does dude always LIE to impress you and others? He's clearly insecure and although it may seem cute at first that he wants your approval, nobody wants to talk about labels and salaries and celebrity friends throughout every meal! Stop name dropping, homie. Your car is slick but the note is killing you and your apartment doesn't have any furniture in it!!! Get your self-esteem up! And while you're at it, why don't you try actually achieving some of those skills you lied about on your resume?

12. The Young Buck
Aww...he's so cute and hot diggity dang - he doesn't have a baby mama!!! You caught a glimpse of his muscles and almost fainted on the spot - yeah, it's true, the old heads just aren't keeping themselves up anymore. Soooo ok, he's fine, but he's also immature. He thinks dressing up is wearing black jeans, wants to borrow against his 401K to buy Christmas gifts and he doesn't know what brunch is. Dating him is fun at first, but then it gets super annoying. Give him one more goooooooooooood kiss and cut him loose.


I may be adding to this list as I move about town!!! :-)

Alonna