Why Married People Annoy Me!

Let me preface this by saying, this post is all in good fun, so don't get offended and get your panties in a bunch if you're married. Now, if any of these sound like you, well, then you just may need to change...tee hee. Seriously, though, don't get mad. :-)


Marriage was created by God so it is a beautiful thing, but some married people get on my n-e-r-v-e-s! And here's why:



1. No matter how busted their relationship was before, as soon as they get married, they become marriage experts.
Y'all dated for 15 years, broke up 35 times and have only been married for 6 months, yet you want to tell me what I'M doing wrong? OMG. SITDOWN.

2. Once they have children, that's all they talk about.
I love children and hope to pop out a few one day, but if every, single conversation we have is about little Johnny making a poop in the potty or little Susie's diaper rash, I'm not calling you as much. Read a magazine, turn on the news, get some other topics please! Oh, and if you are one of those parents who puts a 1 year old on the phone to "talk", you are a bamma and your friends have asked me to tell you to stop! That shiggity is annoying!

3. They don't have sex.
Soooo, as someone who's finally trying to be celibate and honor God, (yes, I'm telling you all of my business) I can't stand when I hear married people say they haven't been intimate in weeks, months, years...what is the problem?! Aint nothing making you that tired every single day where you can't have sex with your husband or wife. And if there is, you might wanna get a pill for that ASAP. Single people aren't supposed to have sex, married people don't want to have sex, this does not seem fair!!!!!

4. They say things like, "Don't worry you will find someone...one day," or, "I am soooo glad I don't have to date anymore because it's rough out there."
Gee, thanks. Single people who want to get married love to hear comments like those. Have you considered becoming a motivational speaker? Better yet, you should take your positivity on the road. Why don't you fly on over to Africa and eat cheeseburgers in front of starving women and children?


5. They are always trying hook you up as if being single is a sickness.
Furthermore, please tell me why the hook ups are always with the most REject people they know? Listen: being single is not a horrible thing and I'd rather remain that way than date your cousin Clayvon. Clayvon has issues.

6. They expect you to sympathize with their dumb, petty fights.
If the worst thing your wife does is burn the rice, consider yourself lucky and please shut the heck up.

7. They act like they can't do anything separate from their spouses.
Your friends want you to come out to see Sex and the City 2 but you want to go with your husband?!! WHY?!! He can't remember Carrie from Samantha from Charlotte from Miranda. He doesn't understand why we cried when Carrie broke Aidan's heart BOTH times. He doesn't get why we were all plotting Big's death and he doesn't care! Leave that man at home and go out with your girls!!!

8. They talk as though married life is the only thing in the world and if you don't want to get married or aren't married yet, something is wrong with you.
The divorce rate is high for a reason - marriage is hard and it isn't for everyone. Single people everywhere rejoice over the fact that we have waited each time we hear about another dysfunctional, divorcing married couple.

OR ON THE FLIP SIDE...

9. They make marriage sound like it is terrible.
"Don't ever get married," some of them say. Wow. I'm sure your spouse would love to hear that. Why DID you get married if it's so bad? Some don't know if they want to be married or single...make up your mind! The Bible says a double-minded man is unstable in all of his ways (James 1:8).


10. They say things like, "My life just wasn't complete 'til I married Jermaine."
Really??? You should come to your marriage as complete and as whole as can be or you will have problems. No HUMAN can complete you and even the most perfect person for you will disappoint and hurt you from time to time. If you're looking for completion, look to GOD.


11. As soon as they get divorced they start blowing up their single friends' phones trying to go out.
Umm, where ya been bamma? Oh, NOW you can hang?! LOL! And how about the ones who get mad when you don't wanna go to the club with them?! Single people don't party every night and not all single peeps go clubbing either. Not all of us are constantly on the prowl...some of us are, dare I say it? Happily single?? ;-)


Haaaa!!!

Keep your rings on people!


Love ya!
Alonna