They say a good man is hard to find. I don't know who "they" are, but I have learned from experience that this statement is definitely true. We already know that women outnumber men, but even though there are plenty of "fish" in the sea, it doesn't mean the catch is always the greatest. Men: once you get past the external, the physical, the superficial, you'd better have someone you can actually stand to be around. I've heard single guys complain that it's just as hard for them to find a good woman as it is for us to find a good man (the women are rolling their eyes). Maybe these men are right. Maybe they're just blind...who knows? What I do know is that people are CRAZY these days so it is difficult to find a quality person--man or woman--period. Soooo...what is a good woman? Men, if you're reading this, I'm going to help you out and tell you what to look for!
A good woman...
1. Loves God more than she loves you.
Most men want to be the "king" of their castles, right? Well, act like one and you will be treated like one (haha!). That's another post, another time...Anyway, the true King of her life should be the Lord. A woman who loves God will communicate differently, will argue differently, will love you differently, compared to a woman who does not have that relationship. She will pray FOR you and WITH you (it's hard being a man...you do know you need prayer, right?). She will esteem you above other men, she will not cheat on you or lie to you...WHY? Because her commitment is to God first and she would never treat you in a way that would dishonor Him. Disappointing God would hurt her far more than disappointing you ever could. This doesn't mean that she is perfect. Of course, she WILL make mistakes but best believe when she does, the Lord is checking her and she will come to you and admit her shortcomings.
2. Doesn't care how much money you have/don't have.
If you're honest with yourself, a few extra dollars in your bank account would make you pretty freakin' happy, but when a woman really loves you, she doesn't care how much money you have. Does this mean you don't have to work and can be a broke down couch potato who watches Maury all day while she is on her grind? NO! But it does mean that if you are working hard everyday and taking care of yourself (or your family if you have one), she really is okay with that. You might not be able to take her on that Tahitian vacation just yet, but if your intentions are sincere, she will decorate a sandbox, fill a plastic pool with water and chill in the backyard...with you. :-)
3. Accepts your children.
**Now, if you cheated and made children outside of the relationship, this one is not for you. Furthermore, if you did that, and put your woman in a position to accept your child, aka your infidelity, you SUCK.** Anyway, if you came to the relationship with children and she made the decision to be with you, she SHOULD accept your children as a part of you. Accept doesn't mean "tolerate" either. It means that she has a genuine desire to integrate your children into your relationship. After all, how can she not care about someone who is an extension of you, the man she claims to like/love? It doesn't matter how old they are, what they look like, none of that matters. And if you get married...she should see "your" children as her children. Any woman who has a problem with that, is not the one.
4. Offers to pay.
Women love to be pampered and it feels good to be with a man who can take care of business; however, she should offer to pay every now and then. I don't know too many men whose egos would be shattered if a woman pulled out her wallet and tossed a few 20s onto the table for a meal; in fact, I think many of you would be extremely PLEASED to have the woman you like/love offer to pay. It's 2010. Many women are earning more than men and let's face it, dating can be expensive. If she offers to and enjoys paying, she is a good chick! ;-)
5. Respects your manhood.
I heard somewhere that the number 1 thing men feel is lacking in their relationships isn't sex...it's respect. WOW. That says a lot. I've seen women cuss out, degrade, and humiliate their men. If you're a woman who does this, I must say, you have a problem. Which brings me back to #1 on this list...the Bible tells wives to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). IF she is honoring God's Word, she will respect you. This doesn't mean she has to agree with everything you say and it certainly doesn't mean you have the right to boss her around like she is a child. But she will see you as the leader of your household and will weigh heavily the things you say. When a woman respects you, she trusts your judgment and allows you to make decisions that best benefit the relationship or the family. HOWEVER, I would be doing a disservice to the women if I didn't say this: it is hard to respect a brother who is triflin'. It is hard to respect a man who refuses to work. A man who lies. A man who doesn't respect her. A man who doesn't love her. A man who drinks too much, smokes too much and acts like an idiot. A man who is weak and indecisive. It is hard to respect a dude who comes home at 3 a.m. reeking of hoochie. Please, please, please be a respectable man.
6. Supports your dreams.
Do you feel comfortable sharing your dreams with your woman? Does she boost you? Make you feel like you can do anything? Offer to help you make moves in the direction of your goals or does she belittle everything you say? A good woman wants you to be the best man you can be. Your success will not make her feel insecure. She will listen to and do her best to support your vision. If you feel you have a good woman, tell her your dreams. Include her in that vision; don't isolate her or make her feel as though she does not have a place in this bright future you are planning.
7. Is honest with you.
This trait goes hand in hand with #s 5-6. A woman can respect your manhood and still be honest with you. If a decision you are making is not in your best interest, her best interest or in your family's best interest, I hope you'd want to know. If your dreams include you draining the savings account to invest in a business that will be a financial disaster, she can't support that and she has to tell you the truth. If what you dream is a little unrealistic, you want a woman who can tell you that - with love of course. Don't get bent out of shape when she vetoes something you are revved up to do. If you are 40 years old and are thinking about starting a career playing for the Ravens maybe you want her to say, "Umm...baby, that just might not be the best plan..."
8. Encourages you to be “more” but still accepts you for who you are.
Everyone wants to be accepted "as is" and the woman who loves you will do that. She will accept that you can't spell to save your life or that you may be a little challenged in the fashion department. If she decided to be with you, she shouldn't be trying to change you. That being said, she may see more for you than you see for yourself and when your woman loves you, she may try to propel you in the right direction. Her words may give you the encouragement you need to swallow fears that have prevented you from achieving a goal. Soooo, she accepts you but she never stops believing in you and motivating you to go the distance.
9. Is down for whatever.
Have you ever been with someone who never wanted to do ANYTHING?! Ughhhhhhh. Well, a good woman will ride out this thing called life with you. Office party/function? She's there. Looking for a car and need her opinion? She's sitting next to you on the test drive. Just want to sit in the garage in the new car and pop open a beer to celebrate? She's making the toast. Dinner with your crazy family? She's down. You get a 1 a.m. craving for IHOP and want her to eat pancakes with you? She's passing you the syrup. I'm not saying she will be a punk or a pushover and I'm definitely not saying you should be looking for her to do anything immoral or illegal with you, but the simple, fun, great things that make couplehood so spectacular, she will WANT to do with you. If she doesn't, send her on her way.
"All I need in this life of sin, is me and my girlfriend...down to ride 'til the very end, is me and my boyfriend..."
10. Appreciates the little things and respects the effort.
A good woman doesn't care that you burned the chicken wings you tried to make for dinner. Just the fact that you thought about it, went to the grocery store, came home and did your thing makes her glad! One sincere rose is just as good as 2 dozen and a card that says "I love you" may get you more play than a dinner at her favorite restaurant. If you put the effort into the relationship, she WILL appreciate it. If she doesn't, she doesn't appreciate you and you need to move on.
11. Will recognize a good man.
Are YOU a good man?
Hmmm...stay tuned for that list!!! :-)
xoxo,
Alonna
Umm..now that was good!! Very good info for men and so so true! Now I just hope they listen! Great job
ReplyDelete#4 melts my heart, but #9 is a keeper!! You HAVE to do something illegal with me...and I'm yours for life. Good one Alonna S....just because a woman doesn't have infidelity issues, has a good job and isn't abusive....doesn't make her a good woman! These women are CRAZY out here! So many other deep rooted issues to deal with!!!
ReplyDeleteI am definitely a GOOD man woman!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kristle!!! Ramoan - when I get my show, you will be my first guest! ;-) @Mr. - if you say so! I would have to ask your current/past boos...
ReplyDeleteAlonna, I must say, this is my FAVORITE post thus far! Any man who says "a good woman" as you defined above does not exist, needs to surround himself with better and higher caliber women :)
ReplyDeleteThanks boo! Wait til these bammas read my post on a good man! lol
ReplyDeleteI have found that most men who say that they can't find a good woman is because they desire one, but is not ready to handle one. It takes a good man to want a good woman and if he is not a good man first, he can't have a good woman, yet. They both have to be equally yoked.
ReplyDeleteI agree w/ Sunny...the best one. Keep them coming Ms. Segears.
Great insight Kyisha. I don't understand how all of these so-called good men are saying that they don't know any women who possess these traits. I am interested to see how they measure up in my next post directed towards them. Thanks for the love boo.
ReplyDeleteYes I am definitely "rolling my eyes" at that statement. You and I have talked about this subject in great length... and we have been trying to figure out for the longest where these bammas are looking! LOL. I love this post though... its so true, and for the most part its how "grown women" love. I think part of the problem is that these men say they want a good woman, but they keep running up on "little girls" because they are good eye candy, ego boosters and are naive to the ways of the world. Therefore they are easily impressed and easier to control, which makes these guys feel like the MAN. But when all the fairy dust fades away then the REAL deal sets in. They have nothing in common, now the guy is looking character traits that were never there to begin with and these little girls are looking for material things, they are on completely different pages in life, different stages in career (the man is looking for a woman to compliment him, while she's looking for a sugar daddy or someone to take care of her), maturity levels aren't even closely matched and I could go on and on. I especially see this happen with a lot of 30 & 40-something yr old men who seem to be attracted to, and go after these 20-something yr old females. 21 and older only makes you legal... it doesn't make you an adult. I don't know if they are trying to hold on to their youth by courting these young girls, but thats how you wound up with a lot of Baby Mamas instead of Wives!
ReplyDeleteI am blessed to be surrounded by an exceptional number of good,established, beautiful single women! And all of whom have been taken advantage of, dogged out, betrayed or carried by the past men in their lives. But all of these women, once they heal and get through their ABW stage, still remain good women with good hearts, and are RIDE or DIE chicks for their future GOOD MAN. Yes, they may harbor a little baggage because of the BS they've had to endure, but a GOOD MAN will be patient, understanding, consistent and will knock down those walls, and throw that baggage where it belongs... in the trash!
Point blank, men need to stop hanging out in the sandboxes, merry go rounds and monkey bars expecting to find grown ass WOMEN. Playgrounds are for little girls. Try venturing accross the street to that Coffee Cafe or Jazz in the Park where the REAL women are, hanging out with their grown ass Girlfriends.
PREACH BOO! PREACH!!!!!!!!!! But you know what I also think? Even if they are not running to younger women, a lot of them bounce when the good woman they are with demand that they "man up" and be accountable for the things they do. When it gets too "hard", when the words and the actions actually have to match, they can't handle it and so they roll out for someone "easier". The easy woman who will let them get away with more and do less. What some of them soon realize is that easy doesn't always mean better and that easy woman isn't always so easy after all...often times that new woman begins to have the same expectations or even if she doesn't, something about her isn't exactly what he wanted so he tries to come back to the good one he left and it is often too late. Men: let me tell you, if you had a good woman, lost her and by some some MIRACLE OF GOD was able to get her back, you better hold onto her tight b/c you will be an absolute fool to let her get away again.
ReplyDelete