Drama Queens

The other day I was talking to a friend about our new relationships.

I'm really happy.

She's...umm...happy enough.

He's a good dude - kind, considerate, loyal, loving, attractive...all of that.

Soooo, what's the problem?

According to her, he doesn't give her the "woo woos".

You know, those little butterflies...and that sparkly, fiery, Fourth of July feeling...

But what are the woo woos, really?

With the wrong man, I think they are those feelings of stress a woman experiences when she's in a doomed relationship.

Her stomach flips and dips when he doesn't return her calls, when he can't be reached on his cell and when she suspects him of cheating.

They're the feelings a woman experiences when the love she gives is taken for granted and is not reciprocated but, for some reason, she holds on.

These kind of woo woos should be called the "woe woes".

Because that's what you end up having when the guy who made you see "fireworks" turns out to be a disaster and a regret.

I don't think any woman should commit to a man who does not interest or stimulate her. If he doesn't do it for you, then he doesn't do it for you and you shouldn't force something to work just because the guy is nice and likable.

My man gives me butterflies, fireworks, and everything else in between...but he gives me love more than anything else. Drama free.

When there's no soap opera, why do we fear that he's not "the one"? That he's too boring? And too ordinary? Or too unspecial?

"What if there's someone better?" We wonder.

What if there isn't?

Maybe the calm is a sign of something good.

That saying about wanting what you can't have rings true here. We sometimes desire those unattainable men who string us along, drive us crazy and stress us out. Sure, he's physically present but you know that neither his heart nor his mind are with you.

But you still want him.

They say men enjoy the chase...some women do as well.

After surviving a series of heartbreaks with men who gave her the woo woos and the woe woes, a woman is sometimes unprepared to have a great guy come her way. If he's too loving, too available, too open, we assume that something must be wrong.

And sometimes that causes us to create our own drama...

He accidentally writes "your" instead of "you're" in his text...you want to re-enroll him in the fourth grade.

He wore the wrong socks one time so you decide that he has no style, no swag, and can't possibly be the one.

He pronounces a menu item incorrectly...obviously that means he's an idiot and is not your soul mate.

Stop it.

Stop looking for something to be wrong and let a good man love you.

The Bible defines love as follows:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8)

The entire passage is the bomb, but I always hover around the first three words, "Love is patient." Doesn't that mean it takes its time?

You might not get the woo woos on the first date. Maybe not even the second or third dates. But if he's a good person and you like him, isn't he worth giving a chance?

I met my boyfriend in Miami, of all places. He's from New York, I'm from Maryland and we seemed worlds apart in the beginning. For the longest time I thought he was "super cool" but I specifically told my girlfriend, "I really like him, but he is not my husband."

But we kept talking and built a friendship. We enjoyed each other as people first, not as potential bed mates or even as a potential boyfriend/girlfriend.

And now, he's the peanut butter to my jelly. :-)

Fireworks don't always ignite in the beginning. And maybe that's a good thing. Sometimes fireworks are really lust and infatuation. Give it a reasonable amount of time. Accept him for who he is and not for who you want him to be.

Don't compare him to any jokers from your past who gave you that tingly feeling but also broke your heart.

Don't start fights to test him.

Don't challenge his manhood.

Don't be a drama queen.

:-)

Alonna

What Men Want

This post makes me :-).

I asked a group of men, ages 26-40, of various races, backgrounds and experiences to describe the top 5 things they want in a woman.

A few of them answered straight to the point: I want this, this, this, that and that. Others actually went into detail and explained why those things are important to them.

Some responses were funny. Others were surprising and thought-provoking.

By the time I finished reading and thinking about what they'd all said, I realized something: men want a lot more than us women give them credit for.

This "privileged" information is a summary of their responses and is being presented in no particular order! ;-)


Men want respect.
Almost all of them mentioned this one. A woman should respect a man, his family, his wants and needs and his position as "the man". Men want to know that they aren't going to be second guessed about everything. A woman should try to have faith in her man, even if he's "blown it." This means that if he loses the keys to the car, buys the wrong fabric softener or gets lost on the way to the family reunion, she won't scream on him and make him feel like he's 7 years old or worse, a moron. If a woman refrains from these behaviors, the next time he will "be even more likely to try to impress you," Mike said.

Men want to have fun.
"A sense of humor"
"An ability to laugh"
"Be carefree"
"Have fun"
"Be unpredictable"
This was something that a lot of them said!!

Men want companionship and support.
"I want my lady to be my friend," Jason said.
A man wants someone he can talk to and who won't judge him. She should be someone he can confide in. As a companion, a woman will also support him and his dreams, even if they are "unreachable." She should give, "basic, consistent support," Nate said.

Men want sex.
I found it interesting that not all of them stated this, but MOST of them did - HAHA- no surprise there! Some of them even said "incredible" or "great" sex. There were even a few expletives that I won't repeat. Lol. It is a BIIIIIG deal.

Men want a woman who is "domestic."
Cooking and cleaning...taking care of home...One went so far as to say that if a woman does neither well, the man will cheat...let's hope that ISN'T true!!!! :-(

Men want a woman who is independent.
A man doesn't want a woman who depends on him to do everything. She should also have her own identity outside of the relationship and understand that he sometimes needs space to do the things he likes to do that might not include her. Duane even commented that during the playoffs, "We love to look at you, but would rather not talk to you during that time." LOL! Allen said that a woman should "know how to take care of herself..."

Men want honesty, fidelity and loyalty.
"Even when the truth hurts..." Jason said. (Hmm, I wonder if all men can handle that...)

I'm assuming the rest means: don't cheat and have their backs when necessary.

Men want to be "a man."
Wayne says that the problem with men and women is that there is an arm wrestling version of "who wears the pants." Teddy says that he wants a woman who knows what it means to be submissive. Ramoan said he wants "to feel like the man (needed)." Allen talked about letting him be "the man".

Ok, we get it...they all want to be "da man"...I agree though. Read my post, "Why I will never propose to a man"!!! :-)

Other things they said:

• understanding
• personality
• heart
• spirituality
• "be with me for the right reasons"
• communication
• intellectual stimulation
• compliments
• common sense
  

One thing I definitely learned is that men are more complex than I thought. Like I said, a lot of them went deep on my question. And not all men are the same. Greg told me that a man's needs change with age and that the 20-somethings may want something totally different from the 30+ crowd.

My only question is: when a woman has these things...why do men leave/cheat/still keep their options open??

I hope some of you can explain that to us!

We want to understand you! Believe me!

Stay tuned for "What Women Want..." ;-)


**Much love to Blanchard, Jason, Wayne, Ramoan, Teddy, Mike S., Duane, Anthony, Allen, Nate, Greg, and Gene for your openness and honesty!!


Still trying to figure y'all bammas out,
Alonna