I asked a group of men, ages 26-40, of various races, backgrounds and experiences to describe the top 5 things they want in a woman.
A few of them answered straight to the point: I want this, this, this, that and that. Others actually went into detail and explained why those things are important to them.
Some responses were funny. Others were surprising and thought-provoking.
By the time I finished reading and thinking about what they'd all said, I realized something: men want a lot more than us women give them credit for.
This "privileged" information is a summary of their responses and is being presented in no particular order! ;-)
Men want respect.
Almost all of them mentioned this one. A woman should respect a man, his family, his wants and needs and his position as "the man". Men want to know that they aren't going to be second guessed about everything. A woman should try to have faith in her man, even if he's "blown it." This means that if he loses the keys to the car, buys the wrong fabric softener or gets lost on the way to the family reunion, she won't scream on him and make him feel like he's 7 years old or worse, a moron. If a woman refrains from these behaviors, the next time he will "be even more likely to try to impress you," Mike said.
Men want to have fun.
"A sense of humor"
"An ability to laugh"
"Be carefree"
"Have fun"
"Be unpredictable"
This was something that a lot of them said!!
Men want companionship and support.
"I want my lady to be my friend," Jason said.
A man wants someone he can talk to and who won't judge him. She should be someone he can confide in. As a companion, a woman will also support him and his dreams, even if they are "unreachable." She should give, "basic, consistent support," Nate said.
Men want sex.
I found it interesting that not all of them stated this, but MOST of them did - HAHA- no surprise there! Some of them even said "incredible" or "great" sex. There were even a few expletives that I won't repeat. Lol. It is a BIIIIIG deal.
Men want a woman who is "domestic."
Cooking and cleaning...taking care of home...One went so far as to say that if a woman does neither well, the man will cheat...let's hope that ISN'T true!!!! :-(
Men want a woman who is independent.
A man doesn't want a woman who depends on him to do everything. She should also have her own identity outside of the relationship and understand that he sometimes needs space to do the things he likes to do that might not include her. Duane even commented that during the playoffs, "We love to look at you, but would rather not talk to you during that time." LOL! Allen said that a woman should "know how to take care of herself..."
Men want honesty, fidelity and loyalty.
"Even when the truth hurts..." Jason said. (Hmm, I wonder if all men can handle that...)
I'm assuming the rest means: don't cheat and have their backs when necessary.
Men want to be "a man."
Wayne says that the problem with men and women is that there is an arm wrestling version of "who wears the pants." Teddy says that he wants a woman who knows what it means to be submissive. Ramoan said he wants "to feel like the man (needed)." Allen talked about letting him be "the man".
Ok, we get it...they all want to be "da man"...I agree though. Read my post, "Why I will never propose to a man"!!! :-)
Other things they said:
- understanding
- personality
- heart
- spirituality
- "be with me for the right reasons"
- communication
- intellectual stimulation
- compliments
- common sense
My only question is: when a woman has these things...why do men leave/cheat/still keep their options open??
I hope some of you can explain that to us!
We want to understand you! Believe me!
Stay tuned for "What Women Want..." ;-)
**Much love to Blanchard, Jason, Wayne, Ramoan, Teddy, Mike S., Duane, Anthony, Allen, Nate, Greg, and Gene for your openness and honesty!!
Still trying to figure y'all bammas out,
Alonna
What are single, in a relationship and married women going to do with this information!? That is the question!
ReplyDeleteHow do you feel about what I said? Did I do justice explaining what y'all want? I can't wait to see what the men say when I post, "What Women Want"!! :-)
ReplyDeleteI love this.. its very thought-provoking and interesting. The only question I have is in the department of "domestic." Do the men feel that its equally important for them to be "domestic" as well? Especially in this day and age when she works just as hard as he does. I think that cooking and taking care of "our" house... should be a shared responsibility. Not just a woman's. Just my thought. Everything else is on point. I don't think they are asking for anything outlandish. These things are basics and to me very attainable. I agree women should be all these things to their men as well! Good job guys!
ReplyDeleteAnd my take on it is this: Today, in most households women HAVE to work. I think it is unrealistic to expect a woman to work all day AND be June Cleaver. Which one do you want? The CEO bringing home the dough or the housewife baking the fresh dough in the oven? You can't be perfect Hannah Homemaker when you're doing both, ESPECIALLY when you have kids! And you wanna get laid at the end of the night?! You'd better load that daggone dishwasher then!!! Cuz a sista is tired home skillet!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Zee and think the list laid out is realistic and reasonable. What I find interesting and surprising is no reference to the physical attributes of a woman. I know attraction is important but it is nice to hear men focus on the less superficial qualities. You raise a good question Alonna, one I hope you discuss in a future blog...if a woman brings all of the qualities to the table, why do men still cheat? Are men just greedy and selfish (some are)? Is long term monogamy impossible? Or are men looking/needing something more from women? I would be very curious to hear some of the responses you get.
ReplyDeleteYou did us justice! PERFECT! We're SO simple! I can't wait to see "What Women Want" too!! I'm sure it will be 200 times longer than our list!
ReplyDeleteI know it's 2010, but most of our mother's worked full time and took care of home. Dad did the heavy, yard and car work...mom's took care of inside.
AND there is NOTHING you can do as a woman to stop a man from cheating. Some are cheaters, some good ones fall to temptation, and some NEVER cheat....but you don't hear about those!
Um... I disagree slightly Ramaon on the domestic issue. You may need to re-evaluate that answer. Growing up, my father worked 12-16 hour shifts, 5 and sometimes 6 days a week and he still pitched in with housework. Everyone had assigned chores. The only thing he severely hated was washing dishes.LOL. Household (inside) is a daily job and can often qualify as "heavy" especially when you have kids. Yard work, car work, and "mr.fix-it" jobs are seasonal and occasional, and definitely not a fair/equal trade. Just my opinion. I agree with Alonna on that one!
ReplyDeleteAnd I also disagree about the non-cheaters. I have known one or two in my time. ;-). Unfortunately, it just wasn't MY man. LOL
Thanks for sending me this post. I am a marriage counselor and I find Men really express themselves AFTER they get married. or after they have been disappointed. Where women tend to take the time to think through what they want upfront, which is why people think women with their "wish list" are over the top.
ReplyDeleteI try to encourage engaged couples to say what they really want. and often the Men do know upfront they they prefer a Stepford wife or a CEO type out handling her business. Eitherway let your expectations be know!! Marriage is hard enough to have to fight over chores and responsibilities all the time.
I enjoyed reading the post and all the comments, and my best advice is for people to be honest about what they want and what they can live with out. My husband did not get a domesticated wife, but he did get a caring mom, and CEO!!! so when I can afford it, I hire a cleaning lady, and laundry service. Then we are both happy.
Thanks so much for reading and responding everyone! Tanika - I esp like to hear from someone like you who is married AND is a counselor - you really give a multidimensional aspect of relationships.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading this post, I couldn't help but recollect the continual disregard that my last ex had for my needs. No respect, fleeting support, needed to be in control, etc etc. It was one of THE worst experiences in my life. So when I read this blog, I was relieved to see that there is at least ONE women out there AWARE that men want more than "a sandwich and some p***y". I'm tired of being written off to be just some primitive simplistic animal.
ReplyDeleteNow, to answer the 'why do men still cheat/leave/options.."....
Some 'men' aren't men. Cheating is a sign of lacking maturity. Little boys are never faithful to one toy. They get one toy and play with it like its the BESTEST toy in the whole wide world. But then...a new toy shows up. Now he wants THAT toy. But don't DARE take the FIRST toy away even though he's now got TWO unique toys and can't really play with BOTH at the same time. This is a juvenile form of greed and discontentment. Woman can do LITTLE to curb this DEEP-rooted problem in those 'men' who act like this because its something that was there LONG before they came into their lives.
SOME men leave great women because they simply didn't have their eyes open to SEE that they were great women. This is why SOME men try to come back like "oh baby, you were what i needed to whole time". OTHER men, even though they may SEE that they had a great woman, come to the difficult realization that even though she's great, she's not great for THEM...so they leave to find better compatibility.
ReplyDeleteThen, you have the Donnell Joneses (song: Where I Want To Be) out there who don't want to cheat, so they leave in order to be free to screw and flip everything they wanted to when they were in the relationship. LoL...but true.
SOME men keep options open because they want to make SURE they make an informed, thorough, well-researched choice before settling on one person. Let's face it, y'all are some fine @$$ women. There's so many of yall. It's like choosing that perfect color at the LAMBORGHINI dealership. "Which one?.... yellow looks good, but that red one..Oooo! *a smoke grey Lambo drives by* .."Urrgh! Yes...grey! No, Black!"
ReplyDeleteMany men will keep their options open until he finds that woman who makes him forget about the other 'options'. This is basically when he starts to like one particular female friend WAY more than any others he may have been checking out as well but are now obsolete.
Some others are just afraid to commit. Period.