What Women Want

"What do women want?" Chris Rock asked. "Everything! Women act like life is a big sale: 'I want to get the most s--t before things close down!' "

Chris Rock is a funny dude.

MEN!

Are you ready?

Can you even handle it?

And what will you do with this information once you've been enlightened!?

I asked single, divorced, and happily married women, some with children and some without, from their late twenties to 40 y.o. what they want in a man/relationship and they didn't hold back a thing!!

Soooo...what do women want?

I think this is a question that most, if not all, straight men would like answered. Women are often labeled as emotional, complex, and complicated creatures...and on many levels we are. Men often claim to be "simple" and "easy to please" and maybe in some ways they are but I think men will find that no, women don't want "everything", and yeah, actually we do know what we want.

I hope you're taking notes, guys. ;-)


Women want honesty.
This a trait that every single woman listed. Most of them said this is THE most or second most important thing they need from a man. You would think that this would be a given in any relationship, but sadly it is not. I think I speak for every woman who has been lied to or cheated on when I say: once you damage trust, she will NEVER look at you the same. DO NOT LIE. It's not worth it.
Side note: This does not apply to all situations. For example, if your girlfriend/wife gains 10 pounds, saying, "Wowww, you got fat!" is NOT acceptable. There's a difference between being honest and being rude or mean.

Women want respect.
Yep. Just like men. Let me tell you what disrespect looks like, for those of you who may be unsure:
1. Putting your hands on us
2. Cursing at us
3. Insulting us/name calling (especially in front of others)
4. Cheating
5. Lying
6. Telling us what we can or can't do like we are your daughters

Furthermore, there is nothing worse than feeling disrespected, calling your man on it and having him diminish it by calling you "sensitive" or emotional". What if the women did that to you, men?

R-e-s-p-e-c-t.

Women want communication/openness.
Talented, beautiful, educated...we may be all of these things and more, but mind readers we are not. If something is bothering you, SAY IT! "Every time there is something wrong, we don't want to drag it out of them," Ty said. Poor communication RUINS relationships. When women are continuously shut out and pushed away, we begin to feel resentful and withdrawn. Okay, yes, you may be a "manly man" and we know that a lot of you were not raised to express your feelings, but check that caveman pride at the door and TALK to us. Almost every woman said this, guys.

Women want to feel appreciated.
"We don't mind stroking our man's ego, but sometimes we want ours stroked," Lolyta shared. And don't forget about the little things...we should not have to drop hints about how nice it was that our girlfriend or our coworker received flowers or a card from her man. Cards are $0.50 each at the Dollar Tree. Not one with the words? Writing a simple, "I love you" or "You da bomb, boo" will suffice.

I was in a long term relationship with an extremely critical person. Every time I did something for him, he always, always, always made a "suggestion" about what I could do better the next time. I honestly don't love cooking. I barely do it for myself but I will for someone who appreciates it and knows how to say "Thank you." This man made comments like, "Why did you put so much barbecue sauce on the chicken?" or "Why did you make the pancakes so small?" Petty stuff. And when I blew up, he just did...not...get...it. Eventually I didn't want to do ANYTHING anymore.

What if we said things like, "My ex had the tightest abs and he never climaxed in only 4 minutes when we made love. Would you like his number so you can get some tips?" Y'all would be HEATED.

I'm just sayin...

Women want to feel understood.
Try to put yourself in a woman's shoes. We are wives and mothers, daughters, sisters, friends, and co-workers. Most of us work JUST LIKE YOU and some of us have VERY stressful careers. It's not all about you, all of the time. "We need for our men to appreciate all we do," Lolyta said. No, your woman does not want you to go hungry or wear dirty clothes or feel neglected but try to understand that on some days, Chinese will be on the dinner menu and there is a reason why she hasn't done the laundry yet. Although she may want to be domestic, "there is so much more to her than that." (Well said, Ty!) When you understand these things about your woman, you will pitch in to do what needs to be done in your household and not define roles as "only men" or "only women," Kezia said.
We also need men to understand that yes, we can be EMOTIONAL. Sometimes we are running only on emotions, but for real, men, don't you already know that? Accept it. Don't try to change us or make us think and feel the way you do because we probably won't a lot of the time. Ask us about our feelings...ask us about our day and LISTEN when we respond! Try to remember the things we say...pay attention to what we are wearing and compliment us. And oh yeah, PMS is real.

Women want a man who provides/is committed to/leads his family
Take care of your household! Take care of your children! A man should "not be comfortable with letting the woman be the sole provider," Brandi said. Tanika wants a man to have a stable income that will support the family. "My income should be optional," she stated. RaQeeba said she wants to feel secure.

I've known women who have worked TWO jobs while their husbands barely worked one. How any man could do that, I will never understand.

Women want sex.
Are you surprised? Contrary to stereotypes, women want sex just like men do. Yes, we like to get it in too. Umm, but don't get it twisted. A lot of us need to be emotionally stimulated before any type of affection jumps off. Soooo, ignoring our texts and phone calls all day, barely talking when you get home and then trying to cuddle up in bed later on is going to get you the cold shoulder, the grandma drawers and the 'do rag.

Don't believe me? This is real talk from the ladies:

"[I want] constant sex!"

"If I gotta lay beside you for the rest of my life...you'd better be putting it down!"

"[I want a] good and selfless lover."

"I wanted to put sex as #1 [on this list] but didn't want to look like a whore!"

"He has to be able to communicate verbally AND non-verbally!"

Women said these things, homies.

Think about it.


Other things they want:

• a spiritual leader
  
• spontaneity
• family-oriented
• "can cook more than Oodles of Noodles, " Malaika said.
  
• accepts and loves me unconditionally
  
• "bring out the best in me and make me want to be a better woman," SunShine said.
  
• diversity - "Not doing the same thing every Friday for 3 years," said Jai.
• fun
• loyalty
• sense of humor/personality
• ambition
  

A guy friend said to me, "Women and men want the same things, just at a different pace..." His words got me thinking: at the end of the day, women and men DO have differences, but are our desires and needs really that far off? God fashioned Adam in His image but He made Eve from Adam's rib.

I think Brandi said it best when she said, "Love me, care for me, be there for me."

For real though...that's all that women really want.

Speaking for the ladies,
Alonna


Shout out to Ty, SunShine, Kezia, Malaika, RaQeeba, Jai, Lolyta, Ami, Brandi, Angie, Tameka, Kyisha, and Tanika for being so open and real with your answers!! Love you!!