SHE'S just not that into YOU! [Advice for the men :-)]

A friend of mine--we'll call her "Jane"--went out with a guy for awhile. She thought he was cool and they always had a decent time together but she knew BEFORE Date 1 that he had no chance of becoming her Boo. She never told him this, though, thinking that her feelings (or lack thereof) were implied...until he kissed her unexpectedly during one of their dates.

"Whyyyyyy would he kiss me?" Jane whined to me later. "I never gave him any indication that I was feelin' him like that! It was never like that!"

I could definitely sympathize with my friend, having experienced similar situations in the past. For several days I wondered why would a guy kiss a girl who has given no signs (as far as she can tell) that she "likes likes" him? Are men clueless when it comes to reading women's vibes?

The book/movie "He's Just Not That Into You" was supposedly a big deal because FINALLY women were being given tools to get IT - you know, get it into our heads that we needed to pay attention to the signs that a man didn't want us...but what about all of the women who don't want the men who are after them? Don't the men need to know as well?

Soooo...I'm writing this post for all of the men out there who are wondering, "Is she into me?" If you have to ask, the answer is NO...so take heed to what I'm about to say and save yourself the trouble!


1. If she's not contacting you, she's just not that into you. Once we decide we like you AND feel comfortable with our decision to like you, we will call, text, and/or email you. If you only talk to her when you initiate contact, it's really not like that.

2. If she doesn't invite you to hang out with her friends, she's just not that into you. We love showing off a great guy to our girls (assuming that none of them are man-stealers). If you have been out more than 3 times and she has NEVER mentioned you meeting her friends, she's just not that into you.

3. If she only agrees to hang out in group settings, she just not that into you. Hanging out with a crew is usually a great time, but if she never wants to be alone with you, it's for a reason...she doesn't want you to get the wrong idea.

4. If the two of you only hang out when YOU initiate the plan, she's just not that into you. Like I said in #1, once we feel comfortable liking you, we will start putting ourselves out there; this includes initiating outings. If she never calls you to hang out, you're not the one, hon.

5. If she doesn't touch you or try to be close to you, she's just not that into you. Most women enjoy affection. We want to "invade" your space. We really do :-). Does she put her hand on yours when she laughs? Does she ask you to sit NEXT to her in the booth at the restaurant? If you're at the bar, is her stool touching yours? OR is there a gap the size of the Pacific Ocean between you? If you answered NO to the first 3 questions and YES to the last, sorry, you're just a friend/acquaintance/hang out buddy.

6. If she doesn't lean in, flashing that "kiss me" green light, she's just not that into you. The anticipation of the first kiss is soooo exciting no matter how old you are! We might not initiate the first kiss but we will definitely show you that we want you to start something up. She's not doing that? Umm...she's not feelin' you.

7. If she points out other available women when you're together, she's just not that into you. Even the most confident of us don't really want you looking at other women. But if she's actually TELLING you to look at that woman's booty, or offering to get Ms. Booty's number for you, you are just a friend, sugar pie.

8. If she gets buzzed/tipsy/drunk and STILL doesn't touch you, she's just not that into you. Face it, most of us get a little "extra" once the vino hits our veins, but if she's tossed back 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio and doesn't so much as hold your hand, it's not personal...she just doesn't see you "that way".

9. If she keeps the conversations brief, she's just not that into you. Most of us can t-a-l-k! We want to share information about our day, our job, our family, our friends, whatever! But if your conversations are averaging 4-5 minutes on a good day, she doesn't really want to talk to you.

10. If she never answers the phone when you call ("Oh, sorry I 'missed' your call!") she's just not that into you. When we are into a guy, we are ATTACHED to our phones - waiting, wondering, hoping you'll call, text...do something bamma!!! Lol. She NEVER answers the phone? She's screening. She may even be hitting "ignore" and sending you right to voice mail because she doesn't want to talk to you.

11. If you ask her how she feels about you, and she describes you as "cool" or "nice", she's just not that into you. Women usually have no problem expressing emotions. If she can't clearly articulate her feelings or why she likes you, it's because she doesn't.

12. If you ask what she's doing, she tells you, then she finds out you're going and changes her plan at the last minute, she's just not that into you. I'm laughing as I type this...she doesn't want to hang out with you sweetie.

13. If you only know surface, trivial things about her, she's just not that into you. Think long and hard. Are you getting to know her heart and soul or do you just know the basics - what she does for a living, her last name (maybe - LOL),etc? If she's not calling you or answering your calls regularly, you probably know very little about this woman...and it's for a reason!


Listen, I know that the male ego is fragile. We really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, especially if you are a "nice" (LOL) guy, but you need to pay attention to her behavior and how she's responding to your advances and please, please, please don't touch or kiss a woman until you KNOW that she IS into you! :-)

Jane is STILL traumatized.

Happy hunting,

A


**Shout out to Kezia, Melee, and Jai for helping with these tips!!! xoxo