Thinking like a man....

When Steve Harvey first told women to "act like a lady, think like a man" I rolled my eyes. For the longest time I wondered, what exactly is thinking like a man (no I haven't read the book)? But the longer I remain single, the more I realize that "thinking like a man" is the best way for a woman to survive "the game" until she meets The One.

To me, thinking like a man means keeping your options OPEN!!! Don't get me wrong, I'm realistic and I know from firsthand experience that dating is rough, sometimes brutal. There are many "fish" out there but not all of them are good catches. So, women have been programmed to think that once we FINALLY click with a nice, attractive guy, we should settle down in our choice and be content with our good luck. But, listen...going on a few good dates does not make dude the end all and the be all for you. Most likely, after he pulls away from your house, he is whipping out his cell and calling the next chica to set up tomorrow's date...nothing personal, he's just keeping his options open until he's absolutely, positively, certain that he is making the right choice. After all, it's not "natural" for a man to be with one woman, right? At least that's what they want us to believe...So until they KNOW that they KNOW that they KNOW, they aren't ruling out anything halfway decent that's coming their way.

There's nothing wrong with you. You ARE all that and then some. He knows that you own/rent your home and your car, that you pay your bills on time and that your credit score is high enough to buy him and his Mama. He understands that you are educated and well read and that you have a career. His compliments about your hair and your clothes are genuine. He appreciates that you are on your shoe game and that your mani and pedi are always fresh. He's glad you can make a subject and a verb agree in a sentence and that you didn't flirt with the busboy who looked like Idris Elba. He knows ALL of that, but to him you are just WOMAN I LIKE until he is ready to make that commitment. This is how many (not all) of them think and it isn't wrong in their minds.

So what are WE doing after that magical date? While homeboy is barely out of our neighborhood and on his cell talking to WOMAN I LIKE #2, we are on our cells calling the bff exclaiming "Girl, I think he could be IT. He paid for dinner and opened my doors..." Really? Umm...no. Yea, he was cute and it's great that he paid for your meal, but why should you shut the door to all of the other fun, attractive, will-also-pay-for-your-meal guys that would love to take you out? Let those guys see how fabulous you are too! You wouldn't invest all of your money in one company, you don't do all of your shopping in one store...so why would you date that way? There's nothing wrong with diversifying, doing some browsing until YOU are sure as well. Women are often waiting for a man to be sure. How about we start making sure that WE are sure? "You don't know if you want ME? Well, maybe I don't know if I want YOU!" ;-) And that's just the way it goes...

So, don't immediately call the bff. Change your clothes, wash your face and return those text messages and missed calls that are waiting on YOUR cell phone (you probably turned off your ringer during that dream date, right?). Tell Dude #2 and Dude #3 that dinner on Friday and brunch on Saturday sounds great. And if Dude #1 calls for another date (and he probably will), tell him that you MAY be able to fit him in on Sunday after church...he does go to church, right? :-) That's a TOTALLY different topic...but anyway....you're not cheating when there's no commitment (and Lord, please don't sleep with all of these dudes), you're just thinking like a man!! :-p


Alonna